One thing about suffering with PTSD, nervous anxiety and panic attacks is the tendency to park myself with negative thoughts. It’s a place that brings up pity, depression and this place that’s hard to come out of.
I found myself the other day thinking way too long about my past experiences and crying. Yeah, crying! I prayed but it just seemed like I couldn’t connect to God at all. And I believe it is because I was choosing to remain in this dark place way too long.
The Lord does see every phase of life we go through. He sees the mistakes we make, He sees the anguish and shame we feel and He knows when we feel so truly sorry for our actions. However, when we repent and truly repent, He doesn’t want us to keep going back there anymore. I was making a bad choice. Thing is, He knows what I suffer with but that doesn’t mean feed the PTSD. He wants me to overcome with His Word.
In real life, I don’t like parking my car in a dark parking lot, why? Because the darkness can be scary. I like parking next to other cars in the daylight. There’s strength in unity and light. So, in the spiritual, remaining in darkness is just not the place we ought to park in. God is Light. God is full of love and comfort. When I chose to stop feeling sorry for myself and feeding my nervousness, I felt better almost immediately.
The things we suffer with are real, it’s real that trauma we experience can leave scars as in my case. However, choosing is important to our recovery. It’s really our choice where we decide to live. God gave us this wonderful gift and His Word is at our fingertips to give us the victory for those moments when we park in dark places too long.