I love writing encouraging and helpful posts, but at the same time I also want be real with you so I hope this post won’t sound too negative to you. If you’d rather not read this post, I understand, just feel free to skip past this and browse some other articles on the blog.
I hope if you decide to read this, that you’ll understand where I’m coming from and maybe you’ll even be able to relate. Perhaps you’ll see a little of yourself here. And in the end of this post, I hope that you will have a little more hope too…
Everyday is not a happy, happy day and my life isn’t joyful and positive all the time.
We all make and have made mistakes. Sometimes, those choices last over years and don’t go away…right away. They linger a long time even when we’ve learned our lesson and tried to move forward. There might even be a domino affect that rolls down on others in our life whom we love. Depending on the severity of the decision, the repercussions can be really bad and even lead to further catastrophe.
I’m one of those people who made some very bad choices in my 20s and 30s that brought some terrible consequences to me. I brought all this to The Lord when I got saved so most days I don’t think much about my past and I really try not to park myself there.
But I’ve had days, weeks and even months that sent me back down a dark place. We’ve had situation after situation occur that was a reminder to me that I should have saved my money, worked my credit differently and then I would be living better.
I don’t like to make mistakes, even more so now as a senior. But when I was younger, I wasn’t thinking about 30 years down the road. I didn’t care about the future! I wanted it “right now“! Who could have known that my choices then regarding my finances would bring about so much stress now?
We think we’re invincible when we’re young. To be really transparent, I didn’t think I would live to see 50, because I was living such a fast and reckless lifestyle. Surprise! I’m near 60 and looking back I see where I went wrong. And, I pray everyday that I can move past it, make better choices and hope for the better. I know I’m not the same person I used to be.
One day in a weekly prayer session, a friend prophesied over me with this verse from Haggai 2:9:
“The glory of this latter temple shall be greater than the former,’ says the Lord of hosts. ‘And in this place I will give peace,’ says the Lord of hosts.”
I’ve been holding onto that verse ever since and claiming it as my own.
Let me tell you, bad financial decisions are just as horrible as committing a crime and being sent to jail. We’re not in a physical jail, no, but it is an emotional jail.
The harder hubby and I work, the harder it is to get ahead. I wonder will our life ever get better? My husband can relate cause he also didn’t make the best financial choices when he was younger. We really don’t want much out of this life anymore, but it seems the usual things you desire as a married couple like our own home are out of reach for us.
Nevertheless, God always has a Plan.
These thoughts have often led to major panic attacks. Hubby has taken me out to get away for awhile when I couldn’t stop crying. I’m so thankful that he didn’t panic trying to calm me down. He’s an angel to me. He reminded me of how God has been good to us and how much He has blessed us.
Granted, nobody is without problems, but the focus shouldn’t be there, it should be on the blessings. It was hard to receive that until we prayed and God spoke to hubby’s heart…He said, “This is NOT Permanent! I’m working this out.” I was feeling stuck. Like, “will this ever change?“, “does God even care?”
I’ve been praying for His mercy on us because how can God send us all the way from Florida to Oregon just so that our lives are no better? If that were the case, we could have stayed where we were. But God always has a plan.
As we prayed, I heard His small, still voice speak to me to not to give up hope and to give Him the chance to change our life together. It was a sweet presence is all I can say to try to describe it. It just felt like someone touched my heart and slowed its beat so that I would be calm and peaceful.
I’m glad I wrote and published this post as I’ll be able to go back and re-read it as a reminder of what God spoke to us.
I now need to look ahead with more confidence knowing we are not stuck. We are not beyond hope. We are not at the bottom of the totem pole. We are not worth helping. We are not alone. Jesus, who is God, said He would never leave us.