How do you handle yourself when you disagree with your husband or wife? How do you keep it from turning ugly? Today’s post is all about how me and my hubby handle disagreements. That said, we don’t always get it right but we did make a couple of promises before we got married for how we would handle arguments:
- First off, we decided there will be times to “agree to disagree”. Basically, if we come to an impasse, we will schedule to talk about it at another time when we’ve both had time to calm down.
- We never go to bed angry. (Ephesians 4:26). God never wants us to have ill feelings towards anyone especially someone so close to us. If the enemy can break down communications between husband and wife, he can and will use it to break up the marriage.
Hubby and I have had our challenges mightily to argue over our 20 years of marriage. We’ve gone through so much together, particularly financial problems which if we hadn’t handled right would have broken us up.
A lot of times when couples are going through rough times, it could be health problems, financial, even having a baby…emotions tend to be more sensitive and prone to quick bursts of anger. It’s really okay to feel frustration and even anger as long as it doesn’t get out of hand leading to regret. You never want to say hurtful things.
Sometimes, I wonder how many jails are filled with people who weren’t criminals but incarcerated because of an argument got out of control. God knows how important it is that we keep anger in its place.
“And don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.” ~ Ephesians 4:27-28 NLT
I’m sure we’ve all had times when we lost control and had to apologize. I know I have. Earlier in my marriage, I struggled with anger and temper tantrums. My hubby and I sat down and seriously looked at how we were communicating with each other. I had to deal with the cause of my anger, temper tantrums and admit that I wanted control and my own way. That’s not how a relationship is supposed to work.
A healthy relationship is giving 50% and taking 50%. So, if I’m giving to my husband and he’s giving to me, our relationship will be whole and happy.
This is the full list hubby and I came up with and it really works for us:
- We don’t talk about stressful topics when we’re tired. When I’m tired, I’m not in the mood for heavy discussions and neither is hubby. I’m liable to say the wrong thing without thinking so we wait until we’re rested and pick a time/day to talk about it later.
- We quickly apologize. Sometimes, we’re in the middle of a discussion that’s leaning towards an argument and I feel myself getting upset. Out the mouth comes something negative. Hubby and I apologize as soon as we realize it and we try to correct it.
- We don’t talk about anything heavy before going to bed. That’s just a rule we have, period.
- If we can’t come to a mutual decision, we table it and pray together about it. God is always at the center of our marriage and I’m thankful my hubby submits to Him and keeps Him first in his life.
- We don’t go away mad. Even if we do have an argument and one of us or both of us are upset, we don’t stay angry with each other. We don’t stop talking to each other. That is a NO-NO! We hug each other and we may have to talk about what got us upset later but we DON’T allow a wall to come between us.
The enemy of our souls hates unity. He hates us putting God first in our marriages and he will try to intervene any chance he can. It’s up to us to remember what the Bible says.
It doesn’t feel good to be angry with someone you love and live with. And, God doesn’t operate where there’s chaos and division. He wants us to love each other as He loves us. And, keep this scripture in mind:
“In the same way, you husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way [with great gentleness and tact, and with an intelligent regard for the marriage relationship], as with someone physically weaker, since she is a woman. Show her honor and respect as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered or ineffective.” 1 Peter 3:7 (AMP)
You don’t want your prayers hindered. Personally, I don’t even like being angry. It makes me tense, shaky and anxious. I want my home to be a peaceful place to be for hubby and me.