I started dancing in clubs when I was 14 years old. I’d sneak in with fake IDs so I would feel all grown up. I would watch these older people go off together and sit down or go outside, and even leave together. I had a different agenda. I was there just to dance. I would dance on platforms and stages and I was never asked to show my real ID. I partied like this for many, many years.
The clubs I chose to party at changed over time too. I went from just straight night clubbing to techno to grunge to heavy metal, and finally to death metal. The faster the music, the better. I learned to slam dance. I would just lose myself. And I was older too, working and living on my own… Monday through Friday was worse than Hades itself. The job I had gave me no satisfaction and I would count the days till Friday, cause I knew I’d party starting Friday night into Saturday night. I said all this to say that during this period of my life whenever I left the club scene I’d find myself feeling strangely lonely and depressed. It was like something was missing when I wasn’t dancing, when I wasn’t somebody else.
I remember one night I was in a club and had just finished dancing to a song so I went to take a break and drink water. I never drank alcohol, always water. Don’t ask me why, I don’t know. I guess I loved dancing so much I didn’t want to be high or drunk. A guy I didn’t know came up to me and said the strangest thing…he said I wasn’t supposed to be there, that I didn’t belong in that club. I believe God was speaking through him to me. I knew somehow something was wrong on the inside because I felt bad every time I’d come home (I usually stayed till the club closed). While I loved to dance, it was the atmosphere I was in that was not pleasing to my soul at all.
Finally when I had had my full share of this clubbing and fast lifestyle every weekend, I took a good long look in the mirror. I wasn’t the girl I used to be. I had gone from relationship to relationship. Nothing and no one lasted. I was full of anger, loss, dissolution, and fear. I had to change. But only God could help me and help me He did.
I’ve turned my back on that old lifestyle and I’m far from that girl I was. My dancing has turned from praising the enemy to praising The King. The church I went to here in Oregon had no problem with outward praise and I loved that, because I knew how deep down the tunnel I was. I sang on the worship team dancing for Jesus for four years. He makes me want to dance and dance and dance. I have something to live for!
Jesus turned my heart inside out and sometimes it’s not pretty what I saw, but I’m better for it. He loves me and this I know way down deep in my heart. I can’t get enough of Him, He can’t fill my cup up enough. When I am worshiping Him, it is like being on that stage dancing, but so much better. I’m actually in touch with my Creator. I’m not trying to fulfill some empty desire. When I’m dancing for The Lord, He is filling my heart’s desire. I sometimes can’t describe the feelings I have when I feel close to Him. Marvelous doesn’t cut it. Magnificent doesn’t quite say it. I’m not sure there’s a word in the dictionary to accurately describe how I feel in His presence. All I know is I’m much happier dancing for The Lord than for the enemy.