I wanted a journal, but not just any old one. I wanted to write my thoughts and feelings but I wanted to be a fan too. I needed a way to work through my struggles, grow everyday in The Lord, and I needed something that would commit me to write everyday.
I start new posts all the time and I write a little each day even if I don’t finish it. I’ll come back the next day and complete the post and date it to be published. But why is “Growing Up in Grace” different than the other hundreds of journals or diaries I started?
This blog is about my life as it is now. I’m writing from my heart and what I’m going through and feeling. I’m not holding anything back. It’s my way of talking to God and getting all the bad stuff out of my heart so that I remain in a grateful, calm, and content mood. I’m not always happy, I’m not always upbeat, and I don’t smile 24/7.
I want to say that being a Christian is the best and sometimes hardest life to live. I know that my heart is divided oftentimes and I fight against it frequently. I know the price Jesus paid for me on the cross, but I still have trouble grasping the extent of what He did so that today I can walk with Him faithfully.
This journal almost forces me to face myself every day. I search my heart and my motives. It makes me want to study my Bible more, pray harder, be more Christlike than Kim-like. It’s a beautiful piece of work when I look at it. But the words that come out of my head to my heart and through my fingers are words that captivate me as I read earlier posts.
I can feel what I was like when I wrote them. I can almost get lost. Read “It’s the Journal I’ve always Wanted”. It had to be about something that wouldn’t bore me, it had to be uplifting at the same time as it is raw. And, most importantly it had to be something that others can identify with.
There’s a message with every post. There’s a lesson to be learned. I hope that you, as my reader, will look hard, reach down deeper, and know what I’m saying to you as I share my life with you. I hope you can understand even if you don’t. There’s so much to God that I don’t know and wish to know but He may choose to show me now or after this life is over. Still, I long to be with Him, to please Him, and to love Him. He loved me first even when He was far from my heart and thoughts.
He gave me the title to this journal as one night I was crying in bed praying. I was concerned about so many things and as I was praying, I heard a soft voice inside me say, “my grace is enough.” I would come across this phrase 11 more times after this prayer and I knew God was speaking to me. I had to just sit quietly and meditate on Him. I knew I wanted to write this kind of journal, but I didn’t want to start and stop again.
This time had to be different. I mapped it out on paper, I sketched out a plan, and prayed over it. The title came easily because I am trying to grow up spiritually. It’s time I learned how God wants to work through me. It’s time I understand His grace…the price of His grace and how to apply it to my life.
I think I’ve waited a long time on God, but in reality, He’s probably waited much longer for me. I don’t know the end of my story, so as long as I have breath, I’ll keep telling it. As long as He gives me life, I’ll write the words that come in my heart. And it doesn’t matter if I have a small following, large one, or no one…this journal is as much for me as it is for anyone reading. God is with us right now.
It’s time to get to know Him better, time to live for Him even when I don’t think I can. He will help you and me, it’s all about his extending mercy and it’s time to grow up in grace.